I, Roomate II: Revenge of the Slob
by RatPack2002
Summary: Fry and Bender are evicted from there apartment at Robot Arms. Leela's worst nightmare comes to life as she made a huge mistake, and allows Fry to stay with her. Bender plans on staying with Dr. Zoidberg will things go smoothly or end up in typical Futura
1. Chapter 1

I, Roommate II: Revenge of the Slob

The morning sun began to slowly raise above New New York, coating the Robot Arms apartment building in a warm reddish gold tint. It was truly a beautiful day in the making….

Fry's alarm began to go off, he rolled over to hit the snooze button and knocked over a finished 6 pack of Slurm cans onto the ground.

"Ahh whatever" He mumbled and rolled over covering his head with his drool cover pillow.

"Get out of bed you lazy bastard" A robotic voice called.

Fry emitted a long snore from under his pillow.

A pile of dirty socks began to move and out emerged his alarm clock with small robotic legs. The robotic clock started to walk across the disgusting terrain that was once Fry's bedroom floor. The small figure stepped into a puddle of what used to be milk, but time makes a fool of all of us in the end.

"Lazy slob…..this place is worse than the boob I woke up every morning before I was retro-figured in 2092…..what was his name…Homer Simpson yeah that's it." The clock said to himself.

He jumped up on Fry's bed and shocked him with a device causing the whole room to turn a brilliant white.

"Ok! Ok! I'm awake!" Fry said picking the clock up and reading the back of it. "I wonder who the hell Ned Flanders was…..guess that's what I get shopping at antique stores"

Fry stumbled into the shower to begin his weekly ritual of showering. His bare feet made contact with a pile of broken beer bottles.

'Yowch. Stupid Bender leaving alcohol everywhere." Fry picked up the fragments of glass and licked them. "Hmmm taste like Vodka. My mistake that was mine."

While Fry was in the shower Bender turned on the TV to get the lottery numbers.

"Morbo finds humans disgusting" The hideous big headed alien being bellowed.

"Ahh this show lost his touch when Kathy Lee Gifford's head got fired" The Robot said as he changed the channel.

The lottery was also played in the mornings now, along with the other 24 hours of the day.

"Come on 0-1-1-0, daddy needs a new pair of shoes"

The television announcer pulled out the first ball

"And this mornings first number is……….7!"

"7? That's not even a number in the binary code! This is an outrage, the lottery is rigged. Just like that bingo game I hold at the Senior Center. Lousy thieves, cant a hard working Bending bot catch a break?" Bender said to himself crumbling the lottery ticket into a ball and throwing it inside and slamming his chest plate closed.

Fry who had just finished his shower entered the living room wearing blue jeans and a white t-shirt.

"Bender, you wouldn't happened to have seen my red jacket would ya?" Fry asked.

"Oh yeah hang on buddy, 10 more seconds" Bender said looking at a watch.

"10 seconds until what? And where did you get that watch what is that a Rolex?" Fry asked

"Cant a good buddy help out by doing some laundry? Yup it's a Rolex 500 buck a roos" The robot bragged.

"Where did you get that kind of money??!!" Fry asked

A buzzer started to sound. Bender opened his chest plate and pulled out Fry's familiar red jacket. Apparently Bender could also double as a dryer, another new tid bit about his robotic companion.

"Here ya go. Fresh as a daisy." Bender said. "Oh do you want starch that's extra"

"Gimme that!" Fry said putting it on. "You still didn't answer my question, where did you get that money. We got a notice yesterday of our final notice for missing rent and you come up with $500 all of the sudden. Are you selling orphans again?" Fry scolded his roommate.

"Rent money? I thought you were giving me that money out of friendship. Stupid broken emotion chip." Bender said knocking on his hollow head.

"Bender you make more money than I do at work! Why would I give you money!" Fry yelled.

A ding emitted inside of Bender.

"Breakfast muffin?" Bender asked pulling out a tray of freshly baked blue berry muffins.

"Yeah but don't think this makes it any better that you blew our rent on a expensive Rolex. It sure is nice though."

Bender showed Fry his watch.

"Wait a minute Bender. That says Romex….and it only has one hand!" Fry yelled.

Another ding emitted from Bender. He pulled a coffee cup out of his seemingly endless cargo space and put the cup up to his mouth. He reached up and pressed his antenna down spewing freshly brewed coffee into the cup.

"Who wants Coffee?" Bender asked.

A few hours later at work Fry was still furious. Bender had blown a months worth of pay for an interstellar delivery boy and they were facing eviction.

"Whats wrong with you Fry. You haven't even hit on me once today. I caught you looking at my boobs this morning but that was it" Leela said walking into the break room." Not that there isn't anything wrong with it, I haven't felt this uncreeped out going to work in years.

"Yeah I know. Bender blew our rent on a busted watch. We have to clear out of Robot Arms by midnight" Fry said crushing an empty can of Slurm onto his forehead.

"I know Bender is a great friend and all, but he is a thief, a liar, a racist, he wants to kill all humans for crying out loud Fry." Leela said pouring a cup of coffee.

"He sure is. But he's my thieving,lying,genecidal best friend. And there is nothing worse than a bad friend, I would never turn my back on him." Fry said throwing the can towards the trashcan missing.

Dr. Zoidberg scampered into the room.

"Oh I didn't know anyone was still in here. I was just looking for leftovers. Guess I'm not eating this week." The lobster like creature said.

"Dr. Zoidberg, Fry is getting kicked out onto the streets, do you have any room for him to stay until he gets on his feet again?" Leela asked. Fry gave her an angry look.

"My word yes. I've always wanted a roommate. Why we could stay up all night watching infomercials, drinking root beer and partying like its 1999." Dr. Zoidberg said rubbing his claws together.

"Uhhh but its 3006" Fry said.

"Well sorry. The only calendar I could afford was a 1999 one. Its not like doctors are a rich bunch, you delivery boys forget your roots and all the little people. My humble adobe would hardly meet your prima dona needs. I say nay to you good sir." The smelly and poverty stricken lobster mother wiggled his mouth tentacles and stormed out.

"I heard he lived in the dumpster across the street anyway" Fry said.

"Oh no he rents an old Victorian in New Jersey." Leela said. "That dumpster across the street has been on the market for years, he only slept in it during open house visits."

"Eww New Jersey. I'd rather take my chances on the streets thank you" Fry said with a snort.

A few more hours passed and it was time to close up the office. Fry walked out of the building and looked up at the sky.

"Well it is still warm. Weather looks good. Looks like we got a long night ahead of us Bender" He said.

"I'm living with Zoidberg, meat bag. He has HBO." Bender said patting Fry on the shoulder. "Heard he had a spare room. Hey it's a roof over your head. See ya tomorrow. Bender hailed a taxi and was soon gone.

Fry looked up into the sky and it suddenly turned grey and poured rain.

Leela came out of the Planet Express building and locked the door. Looking at her reflection she saw Fry.

"Oh Fry. I guess I could let you stay with me for a little while. It is raining and everything."

The Cyclops and hopeless idiot walked through the rain until they reached Leela's apartment building they took the elevator up.

"Oh I almost forgot, since you last saw my place I ha-"

"Let me guess its still unfurnished" Fry said.

"Actually I have. A few house rules. One, no shoes on the carpet. Two, No food in the living room and finally, clean up after yourself. Think you can do that? Leela said as the elevator reached her floor.

"No problem. Me and Bender are neat freaks." Fry said with a faint smile.

Somehow Leela doubted this. Although she had only been to Fry's apartment once, it was before he had moved in. His locker at work was always the recipient of the most disgusting locker award, an award which he won on a weekly basis, he even had a trophy.

"Well here we are 1i." Leela said.

"Wow you have 1 eye and your apartment is 1 i. What a coincidence." Fry said.

"Apparently those worms are all gone" Leela thought.

Fry began to step into the apartment with his muddy shoes.

"Ahh Fry, shoes, shoes!" Leela cried.

"Relax. These babies are brand new." Fry said looking down at his black high tops.

A loud squishing sound emerged from under his shoe as he stepped on the snow white wall to wall carpet.

"Whoa Lela what's that smell?" He asked.

Lela shoved Fry back and looked at her brand new carpet. He must have stepped in dog poop somewhere before entering the building.

"Lela I am so sorry, I didn't even know it was there I swear"

Leela started to grit her teeth and her temperature began to steadily rise. Maybe letting Fry stay for awhile wasn't the greatest of ideas but now she was stuck with it until the moron got back on to his feet.

"No problem, make yourself at home" Leela said while her stomach began to do somersaults.

"Just remember to follow my rules, and everything should be ok" She said.

Fry pulled of his red jacket and tossed it on the floor and tossed it on the floor, kicked off his shoes flinging them into Leela's brand new glass coffee table.

"I'll totally pay for that" he said with a grin.

This was going to be a long, torturing experiment indeed….

To be continued…


	2. Chapter 2

Bender sat in the grim ridden taxi cab. This thing sure had seen better days. The seedy looking human driving didn't look to competent either. The ride to Zoidbergs house was only 20 minutes, soon he could find a place to kick up his metallic feet, drink cheap booze and rob Dr. Zoidberg blind.

"So buddy rough times huh" Bender attempted making conversation.

"I's got it ok's believe it or not" The cabbie said adjusting his faded red baseball cap.

"Haven't I seen you before? You look really familiar" Bender said.

"I don'ts thinks so. I got's a fews brothers thoughs. Ones is a truck drivers out in the solars systems, ones a planet disposal technicians and one is also a constructions workers. Oh and my old mans, he's a janitors at Planet Express names Scruffy." The cabbie said lighting up a already half smoked cigarette.

"Scruffy eh? Never heard of em" Bender said lighting up a cheap cigar.

A few minutes more passed and the cab arrived at Dr. Zoidberg's new home. Bender had a feeling he had forgotten something. But what? He stole all the urinal cakes in the bathroom, even all the sporks from the break room. What could it be……ZOIDBERG!!

"I got so caught up in stealing stuff I forgot the stupid moron" Bender said.

The cab hovered away, it was too late to go back, plus Bender already wasted all of his counterfeit money on the cab ride. "Good thing I carry this master key" Bender said pulling out a crow bar.

He walked up onto the porch and began to pry the door open. Before he did something caught his eye. Zoidberg had left his house keys in the lock. This was going to be so easy. He walked into the house and came to an utter halt. The whole place appeared to be empty. The kleptomaniac robot began to tremble, and appear to weep.

Meanwhile at Leela's apartment Fry had assumed a position on the couch watching TV. Leela was on her knees scrubbing whatever it was that Fry stepped in, it was New New York it could have been anything known to modern science.

"So Leela when's dinner, I'm starving" Fry said, followed with a lengthy burp. "Mmm smells like tacos" he said admiring his creation of flatchelence.

"Fry at lunch today you ate almost the entire planet of Taco Bellasario 78." Leela said. "How can you still be hungry after you ate like a genocidal mad man?

"Well after this bathroom visit, I'm going to have plenty of room" He said patting his stomach. "Oh yeah"

The thought of Fry using the bathroom after eating an entire race of taco people made Leela cringe.

"Before you go destroy my bathroom, let me take a shower first" Leela begged.

Fry agreed to spare Leela of facing the un faceable. He plopped down on the couch and began surfing through all 9,000,000 channels on the satellite TV. So far, this place had his and Bender's apartment beat. There was no sign of giant mutant rats or the smell of sour milk. Fry's stomach began to grumble.

With a mischievous grin he heard the water pound the floor in the shower from across the apartment. Since Leela was in the shower, maybe he could sneak a quick snack into the living room. Sure she said not to, but the payoff would be great Fry deduced in his feeble mind.

Rummaging through the fridge he found a half finished grilled cheese sandwich.

"Let's get bizz-eee" Fry said to himself, the childish grin becoming more demonic every second.

He put it into the microwave and pushed a few buttons. These New Year 3000 microwaves could be a bit tricky. Ah ha success.

"Hmmm now all I need is something to drink" he thought. He found a bottle of what appeared to be red wine. This would make him come across extremely sophisticated to Leela. Not any slob could enjoy the finer things in life.

He searched for a cork screw but couldn't find one. Thinking back he remembered something the Professor had said. "Well Gilligan, it's quite simple. When heat compresses inside of a solid container the cap will pop off."

"I knew watching Gilligan's Island would pay off, eureka!" Fry said shoving the bottle of wine into the microwave."12 minutes should do it"

Something on the TV had caught his attention, apparently the Mets where headed to the National League Division Series. While absent mindedly hitting the selections on the microwave, Fry missed the self destruct message on the microwaves information screen.

He jumped onto Leela's couch and took a bite of his sandwich. "Phillip J. Fry you are a genius!" he thought to himself.

To his horror, the sandwich was too hot and he dropped it onto Leela's snow white carpet. He picked it up, but the cheese had already melted into the rug. Whew, good thing Leela was still in the shower. He ran to the kitchen and began going through cabinets, drawers there must be something. The sound of pots and pans began to fill the kitchen.

"Fry is everything ok in there?" Leela yelled.

"Yeah, I thought Id uh…….make dinner! I can't seem to find the mixing bowl" He yelled back.

"It's in the cabinet on top of the fridge. Be careful not to break my Martian China they don't make it like that anymore" Leela called back.

Fry found a bottle of carpet cleaner. Thankfully it did the trick, that stain would have given Leela a heart attack.

"Another disaster devert-"

The explosion rocked the small apartment. A plume of smoke erupted from where the microwave had been, and the bottle burst from the explosion. Red wine sprayed all over Leela's all white decorated living room.

"What in the hell was that?!!" Leela yelled.

"Dinners ready!" Fry said looking at the sea of red that stood before him.

Meanwhile Bender was still trying to compute why he was in an empty house in the depths of New Jersey.

"Its, It's not fair!" Bender wailed.

"What's not fair Robit"

Apparently Dr. Zoidberg had managed to make his way home. Despite Bender's precise timing to arrive early and pillage.

"Oh nothing." Bender said. " So….. quite spacey. Where is your furniture?"

"Furniture? Do you think plain old Harry Homeowner can afford furniture? What is this Beverley Hills?" Zoidberg began to lecture.

Three people walked through the front door the first man explaining something.

"This house is a real bargain. It was once owned by Mayor Poopenhiemer, before the elections of course." The trio stopped and gasped at Bender and Zoidberg "Of course since it is infested with ingrates we will most certainly lower the asking price" The real estate agent glared at Zoidberg.


	3. Chapter 3

The Real Estate Agent began to approach Dr. Zoidberg, reaching into his pocket and pulling something out. Zoidberg shot a long stream of ink from his ink bladder on to the real estate agent and scurried out of the room making a whooping noise.

"We'll get back with ya" Bender said strolling out the door.

The real estate agent wiped the globs of ink off of his face. His potential buyers stormed out of the house. The ink was everywhere, and everyone one that Decapodian ink never came out and left a foul horrid smell for at least a decade. He continued pulling out the deed to the house, his sale now ruined.

"Looks like old Gil the 50th isn't going to pay of that hotplate after all. Do'hhh" He whimpered.

Bender found Dr. Zoidberg rummaging through some trashcan bots a few blocks away. Apparently he never did find lunch earlier that day.

"So, where the hell do we go now?" Bender asked.

"Relax, Robit! The land will provide for Zoidberg now. Nature will run its course" The poverty stricken and insane lobster began to preach.

The sun began to set in the distance. Wolves and coyotes began to howl at the rising moon. Bad things happened in the firey depths of New Jersey at night. Especially for Robots, after all, it was the home of the Robot Devil.

"You can bite my shiny metal ass, I'm out of here!" Bender said leaving Dr. Zoidberg rummaging though the garbage can bots.

Bender stormed off into the night. How could he have been so stupid and wasted all of the rent money on a fake watch? He let down his best friend, his only friend actually.

"Aww Wiggles what have I done?" Bender cried. He hadn't felt this bad since he through Seymour Asses, Fry's beloved fossilized dog into a sub terrain volcano under the PE building.

"I don't deserve to function anymore, take me now oh evil one" Bender wailed.

Suddenly a burst of smoke filled the empty road Bender was walking down, the lights of the neighbor hood went off, one by one. After the smoke had settled, Bizzlebot himself stood before Bender, his jagged yellow teeth and haunting eyes glimmering in the darkness.

"Are you ready to parish Bender? Robot Hell is a little different since you last saw it, we sold 50 of our shares to the Fox Network." The Robot Devil said, following with an evil and sinister laugh.

"AHHHHHHHHHHH! No, no. Anything but that!" Bender pleaded. "I was just joking, I have seen the light. Anything but a Fox owned community!"

"Its too late, your going to rot in the pit of despair. You should feel lucky your only the fourth condemned soul. You'll share it with Johnny 5, The remains of the T-100 and Christopher Walken."

"I didn't know Christopher Walken was a robot!" Bender said surprised.

"Oh come on, his cpu was fried during his assembly, honestly who talks and acts like that?" The Robot Devil said.

"Tom Cruise?" Bender answered.

"Ya know, I always wondered that myself. Surely he isn't human" The Robot Devil said pulling out a blackberry and typing it in. "Tom Cruise at 4pm. Bwa ha ha ha!"

Another large poof of smoke appeared and the Robot Devil and Bender where no more.

Fry stood in shock. Leela's whole apartment was covered in a purple reddish tint. How was he going to explain this to her, without getting his ass kicked? To his horror, Leela walked out of the bathroom in a towel dripping wet. Amazingly she didn't seem angry. A demented smile began to draw itself upon her face, her eye became dazed. Leela fainted with a thud.

"Leela are you ok? I'll clean it up!" Fry pleaded.

There was no response from Leela, she was unconscious the site of Fry's mess had over whelmed her. Fry shrugged and returned to the couch and found the grilled cheese sandwich he had dropped and resumed eating. As long as Leela was going to be out for awhile, there was no sense in starting just yet. Fry watched the TV his eyes got heavier and heavier until they closed and he began to snore.

A few hours passed and there was a loud knock coming from the door. Fry woke up and saw that Leela had been awake for sometime now cleaning her trashed apartment. Fry answered the door it was Dr. Zoidberg.

"What are you doing here, Zoidberg? Fry asked in an agitated voice.

"It appears that your robit friend has disappeared in the depths of New Jersey, Fry." Zoidberg wailed.

"Oh no. He's out there all alone, with no alchohol !" Fry yelled. " I got to save him!"

"Yeah, yeah. After you throw this trash out you can save Bender." Leela scolded Fry.

"Oh, do I gotta?" Fry pleaded.

"Fine. Just go, and consider your stay officially over." Leela said.


	4. Chapter 4

Fry grabbed his nose as Leela slammed the door with all her might. A few drips of blood began to drip from his finger tips.

"Oh looks like you wont be having children with a damaged human horn" Zoidberg said reaching into his pocket and pulling out a band aid.

The out of his time delivery boy and uninformed doctor got into an elevator. Even though his nose was bloody he could still smell the stench that was Dr. Zoidberg.

Meanwhile in Robot Hell Bender was already sitting in the pit of despair. Christopher Walken-bot was rambling on.

Bender opened his chest plate and began rapidly pushing a self destruct button. He had threatened to kill himself day in and day out, but this time he was serious!!

"Aww crap. Its disconnected. This truly is hell" Bender said slamming his chest plate shut.

"The only thing that makes it hell, is that there simply is not enough cow bell…………I need more cowbell" Christopher Walken said to nobody in particular.

Bender pulled out the same crow bar that he had dubbed his master key and began pounding it into his metallic head.

Fry and Zoidberg began walking to the PE building, there was only one person they could ask for help now, no not Zap Brannigan or even Slurms Mcenzie the two biggest heroes in the galaxy. Just Fry's great great great great….. oh you get the point.

"Man I haven't been this early to work since I lived here, when I used the conference table as a bed" Fry mumbled to himself.

"I know. Thanks to you, that desk lost all of its plush and comfort! I haven't had a proper nights rest in months!" Zoidberg said.

Fry rang the intercom buzzer at the buildings front door. Professor Farnsworth had invested every dime he had earned over his 160 years of life into purchasing the building and used it as a home, a laboratory and a interstellar delivery company. The intercom chirped to life.

"Go away, we are closed." Farnsworth said.

"Professor its your old friend Zoidberg, I've come home" Zoidberg said.

"Go away we are closed" Farnsworth replied once more.

Fry put his hands in his jacket pockets in frustration. Sometimes dealing with a senile old 30th nephew just wasn't fun. He let out a sigh, he had to be nice to him though.

"No Professor, its me Fry. Bender is somewhere in New Jersey!" Fry exclaimed.

"Dear me. Gentle Bender you say? In New Jersey? " The senile professor said.

Suddenly the front door of the building cracked open. The front lobby smelled of moth balls and expired lobster. They walked upstairs to the conference room were the wrinkled and liver spot ridden living corpse waited. The professor once again didn't recognize them.

"No, I am not interested in learning about the Church of Later day Saints. I tell you Mormons no every damn time! Now go away WE ARE CLOSED!" The Professor yelled his fraile wrinkled arms waving like reeds on a windy day.

"Professor, you let us in to save Bender don't you remember? The robit is in trouble" Zoidberg said, rolling his eyes.

"Duh wha? The Professor muttered in disbelief.

"WE NEED TO GET BENDER" Fry yelled, his throat burning from yelling so loud.

"YOU DENTED MY FENDER? I will sue the pants of you!" The Professor began to turn red and balled his frail hands into tight fists that looked like some kind of alien raisin.

In a defensive instinct Zoidberg shot a glob of ink into the professor and grabbed Fry and scurried out of the building. Apparently the Professor hadn't taken his alltimers medication yet.

"OHHHHH MY FENDER. I am going to vent this out in the anger dome!" The Professor said watching the shrinking figures of Fry and Zoidberg run down the road from his window.

A few blocks away the lobster being and Fry where panting out of breath. The Professor wasn't going to be of help this time. It was now up to Fry and Zoidberg to save Bender from the depths of Robit, I mean Robot Hell.

Zoidberg looked up into the sky and yelled.

"Hey Robit is my line, enough, enough with all the narrating!" Zoidberg yelled waving his claws.

"Shhh. Its his story Zoidberg." Fry said.

"Ahh the hell with this. Zoidberg is going to write his own story. Always Fry and Leela and the damn robit. Why not Zoidberg the real star of Futurama?" Zoidberg stormed off back toward the Planet Express Building waving his claws in obvious fustration.

Now it was up to Benders best, and only friend. Phillip J. Fry.

"Lets get bizz-eee" Fry said cracking his knuckles.

To be continued…

"Oh come on" Fry yelled to the clear evening sky.

"Can't you read!" Somebody yelled from a nearby apartment complex. The voice sounded vaguely like Fry and Benders old landlord that ordered Bender off the floor due to his antenna or "robot horn" messing up TV reception.

Fry turned and looked at the small sign. It looked like a regualr 20th century no parking sign. The sign read "No crazy talk 9am-6pm"

"Damn you, New New York, you've won this round." Fry said under his breath.

For real this time, To be continued.


	5. Chapter 5

Fry had no where to go. He had been evicted from Robot Arms. Leela was nothing short of pissed at him and The Professor was just being plain old. The rain had began falling again and lightening lit up the dark sky. He pulled out his wallet, empty. A hotel room was out, even the Hilton Inn, which was now nothing but a glorified crack house patronized by prostitutes. The only place that had its arms wide opened in taking Fry in was his old house in the ruins of Old New York City. A few hours passed as he crept in the sewers and then found an entrance to the sub terrain city, forgotten by society.

It was like going through a time machine. The streets were covered in trash, and The Fry homestead was ill kept and falling apart. Just like in 1999, the last time Fry had seen his family. He walked into the ancient home. He had been back before, with Leela and Bender to retrieve his rare 7 leaf clover, but somehow Yancy had figured out a way to open the Romco Record Vault.

"Home sweet, home." He said to himself.

He sat down on the dusty and battered couch, just the way his dad had found it in Central Park in 1992. This thing would last a thousand years according to his dad, as long as the Soviets, who had ironically disbanded 4 years prior, didn't launch their ICBM's and blow up America and democracy.

"Lousy commies!" Fry said, repeating his father who had died centuries before.

His eyes searched the living room and rested upon a family photo. He remembered how his mom found NCAA football and the Green Bay Packers more important than life itself, how his father/grandson was always preparing for a nuclear holocaust and the World War that would likely follow, his brother Yancy who had named his only son after his younger brother. There was something important in all of these memories that could be of use, but right now Fry was exhausted he lay down and slowly fell asleep. The family photo, with himself absent seemed to watch over him, as if they had been waiting for him to return, offering a delayed homecoming. He fell into a deep sleep and began to dream.

"Come on Phil, race you to the end of the street" Yancy challenged his younger brother, rolling up on his bike.

"Ha, I beat you all the time!" The young red headed boy said, picking his bike up off the ground.

The two brothers raced down the street side by side. A familiar green colored pick up truck was coming down the street towards them It was there father, coming home from the surplus store with sandbags. He stopped and they pulled up alongside him on the drivers side window.

"Back when I was a kid, I spent my summer vacation building bunkers to help repel invading Commies. I didn't have a father ya know. He took off after some incident happened in New Mexico. I always figured the Commies got him with some kind of nuclear bomb or it was some kind of lobster alien, a one eyed chick and an old guy." The gruff sounding man said.

Fry then woke up from his slumber. The secret bunker, of course! They had spent the whole summer of '84 building it. Who knew what kind of goodies his father had stockpiled it with. Sure, those weapons would be old but not useless. He went into the basement and walked to the center of the room and pulled up a trapdoor. He turned on an old lightbulb that was somehow, still worked. He looked around the room and found a whole arsenal of modern (Year 3000) weapons. There was a note from Phillip J. Fry II!

Dear Uncle Phillip,

I am sure you are wondering how I got these here, or knew that you indeed would find them. You will never believe this but, I have managed to travel through time somehow. While on an expedition through the galaxy I inadvertently managed to cross through time. I don't remember how, but all I remember doing was making some Jiffy Popcorn in the ships microwave and flying through some kind of quasar or something. Somehow I ended up in the year 3000. I met a tiny alien that called himself a "Nibblonian" who advised me to assemble this because you were the chosen one. I don't know why I believed him, but my father, Yancy always said you were meant for something great. Good luck Uncle Phil.

Captain Phillip J. Fry II

P.S. Also, he mentioned that you are my great grandfather. Congrats on doing the nasty in the pasty!

Fry read the letter a few more times. Mainly because he had a reading problem since he lacked the delta brainwave and that "Nasty in the pasty" made him laugh. It was a pretty disturbing, yet hilarious thing at the same time. He folded the letter up and put it into his jacket. He eyed all of the weapons that lay before him. To bad he didn't know how to use a single one.


	6. Chapter 6

Fry pocketed a simple looking laser gun device and shoved it into his pocket. Still without a plan or any impulse to pursue one, he returned to the first floor of the time ridden home. He crashed on the coach once again, the only thing that seemed logical, and easy was to sleep. After a few hours he woke up, looking at his watch it was past noon.

"Damn, late for work. Oh well, at least my record of being late is still intact." He muttered proudly to himself.

Returning to the surface of New New York, Fry once again felt out of place. He strolled down the many streets and blocks until he smelled the salt water of the New New York Harbor, and finally a view of the Planet Express building. He stopped dead in his tracks.

"_Well, I am probably already fired for being late again! So this is going to feel pretty damn good"_ He thought to himself.

The front door was unlocked and he walked in and trotted up the stairs to the meeting area. Hermes was going through some sort of presentation and everyone was half asleep, except Zoidberg who was wearing what appeared to be a dunce cap. Fry walked into the room and must have caught Hermes' attention.

"Ah Fry. Glad ya could make it, mon. We were just explaining how a good company revolves around proper attendance." Hermes said, adjusting his glasses looking none to pleased. " I am sorry, but I had to set an example. You are no longer allowed on Planet Express property, consider yourself fired!"

Fry's palms went sweaty and his cheeks burned. It wasn't so much the part of being fired, he had expected that since day one. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his concealed weapon.

"Fry, no!" panicked Hermes. "Please don't shoot me, mon. I be having Manwhich for dinner tonight!"

" Don't worry, as long as you do what I say, nobody will get hurt!" Fry said.

Just an instant after his mouth closed he accidentally pulled the trigger and vaporized Dr. Zoidberg's shell. The lobster creature looked like a gigantic wad of chewed bubble gum.

"You, pervert!" Dr. Zoidberg yelled and scuttled out of the room.

"Fry, put that gun down. Its not worth it!" Leela tried to negotiate with him.

Fry edged toward Amy Wong and put the gun to her head, motioning for her to get up.

" Give me the keys, Leela." Fry ordered.

Leela looked to the Professor, who was amazingly still asleep through the whole crisis. She was capable of disarming Fry, as she was a master in various martial arts, but didn't want to risk Amy getting hurt, it was too risky. She tossed Fry the keys to the ship.

" I'm sorry I have to do this, but Bender is in trouble. None of you want to help, not a single one. So I guess its up to me, you should all feel ashamed of yourselves." Fry began to scold them.

"Uhh gluh, I didn't know. Geesh." Amy pleaded.

" Oh yeah. Sorry Amy." Fry said. "Whoops, heh heh."

"It was an honest mistake. Now lets go get Bender!" Amy cheered.

They both sprinted to the ship. Within seconds they where on a course to New Jersey. Fry put the ship on autopilot. Looking at the ray gun he decided he didn't need it. It wouldn't matter, robots probably were laser proof to begin with. He tossed it into a waste basket that was conveniently placed on an intergalactic spaceship, nothing out of the ordinary right?

"What's going on here. I'm trying to take a nap!" A raspy voice bellowed from the back of the cockpit.

"Who the hell are you!" Fry and Amy yelled in unison.

"I'm Scruffy, the janitor." The unknown custodian answered with a sniff.

Fry and Amy looked at each other and shrugged.

"I didn't know Planet Express had a janitor!" Fry exclaimed.

"Scruffy's been on strike." He proudly announced.

Finally after a long 2 minute slight from New New York to Hoboken, New Jersey the mint green ship touched down outside of an abandoned amusement park, crushing a squirrel who was innocently chewing on an acorn.

"Mmm squirrel meat " Scruffy said licking his lips.

"Your not really going to eat that are you?" Amy asked.

"Shh. We have to be careful, this is the entrance to Robot Hell." Fry said, analyzing the horizon.

"How do you even know he's here? And how would you know this is Robot Hell?" Amy whispered.

"I've been here before. Still have the splinters in my ass from last time" Fry said, scratching himself on his rear.

"Scruffy will guard the ship." Scruffy said crossing his arms, the dead squirrel waving around in the wind.

"Somebody should be the look out!" Amy also wussed out.

"Good idea, I'll go into the blazing inferno of Robot Hell all by myself and get Bender out. This plan is too easy!" Fry bragged.

He walked toward the entrance of the old, and long forgotten amusement park, suddenly the ground gave way! A trap door! Fry slid down the fun slide of Robot Hell, his ass in pain from even more splinters. He hit the ground hard with a loud thud.

"_Good thing I landed on my head!_" He thought to himself. "_I could have really damaged something"_

Out of nowhere a puff of smoke appeared, and Fry saw the Robot Devil walk into the room through a door, completely on the other side of the room, ruining the attempt of a dramatic entrance.

"Damn, I really need to work on that." The Robot Devil muttered. "Where you surprised any Fry?"

"Cut!" A voice yelled.

" Nope, not at all. Actually it was pretty stupid. It sucked." Fry said getting up and dusting himself off.

"That's putting it nicely. You really screwed up the dramatic emphasis I had planned." Matt Groening said walking into the frame.

"Yeah, I wasn't feeling it. I mean I wanted to laugh, that was bush league!" Fry commented.

"Maybe I should go with the HA HA HA HA, and some exploding flames" The Robot Devil asked Matt Groening.

"Ya know, I didn't want that earlier, but lets try some of that.Oh and Phil, on the slide scene, I also changed my mind, I want it to hurt now, the whole hard head joke, that's just too Homer Simpson, you know what I mean?" Groening added.

"Yeah, I wanted to say something about that before, I don't want to be typecast as just another Homer Simpson clone, I mean this is suppose to be a totally different series, not some rip off of the Simpsons, like Family Guy!" Fry said sipping a cup of coffee his assistant gave him.

"I know, I know. Your right. So lets start it from the top, ok? Lets make this scene the most memorable, ok?" Matt Groening pleaded with his star.

"Yeah, are you ready Robot Devil, cuz I'm ready" Fry said to the Robot Devil.

"Yeah, of course, I think we can do better." He said taking off a white robe that mysteriously appeared.

Fry climbed up a nearby ladder and back to the parking lot above.

"Fry, what are you doing back, this wasn't in the script" Amy Wong asked, smoking a cigarette.

"Robot Devil blew the scene, I hate working with this guy." Fry said.

"Yeah he tries to ham up the whole scene, ya ever felt that?" Scruffy said, spitting a glob of tobacco.

Amy stubbed out her cigarette and flicked it into the New Jersey wind, where it disentegrated into nothing.

"Ok, and, wait for it, wait for it, ACTION!" Matt Groening yelled from off screen.

"How do you even know he's here? And how would you know this is Robot Hell?" Amy whispered.

"I've been here before. Still have the splinters in my ass from last time" Fry said, scratching himself on his rear. This time a grimace on his face.

"Scruffy will guard the ship." Scruffy said crossing his arms, the dead squirrel waving around in the wind once again.

"Somebody should be the look out!" Amy also wussed out.

"Good idea, I'll go into the blazing inferno of Robot Hell all by myself and get Bender out. This plan is too easy!" Fry repeated himself.

He walked toward the entrance of the old, and long forgotten amusement park, suddenly the ground gave way! A trap door! Fry slid down the fun slide of Robot Hell, his ass in pain from even more splinters. He hit the ground hard with a loud thud.

"Yowch, argh. Ouch. Damn it, damn it. My head! I only have 8 brain cells left!" Fry howled in pain.

Suddenly the walls of the room burst into flames, and the room filled with smoke, a sinister laugh began to echo and thunder off the flaming walls.

"HA HA HA. Phillip J. Fry welcome back to Robot Hell!" The Robot Devil materialized.

Fry stumbled to his feet, his hands holding his throbbing head and a painful expression on his face. His heart was beating like a drum at a hard metal show. His eyes began to water as the smell of sulfer began to flood his nose.

"Here to save your friend, aren't you?" The Robot Devil sneered, the flames disappearing and the room turning back to normal.

"So he is here, I had a feeling." Fry said, his hands now fists.

"You dare challenge me to fisticuffs? I forbid it, I never, ever want your filthy hands touching me again. I'm still getting over that traumatic week I had them on my chassis!" The Robot Devil yelled.

"They do have a life of their own." Fry said, once again scratching himself.

"Don't remind me of those vile things." The Robot Devil shuddered.

"Let Bender go" Fry said, giving the Robot Devil a wet willy.

"Yargh! Please I besiege you, don't touch me with those, those things!" The Robot Devil howled in pain.

"Fine, let Bender go. Or else" Fry ordered.

"No." The Robot Devil responded.

"Aww, why not?" Fry asked.

The Robot Devil crossed his metallic arms, and gave Fry a surprised look. He never understood humans and their feelings._ Bender is a thief, and the second most evil robot behind only me, Robotic Evil itself! But for whatever reason this moron doesn't allow me to grant the punishment that is due._

"Bender is evil, he fails to learn a lesson. He steals anything that isn't bolted down, even the stuff that is BOLTED down!" The Robot Devil said. "He even stole my wallet!"

"Yeah, he isn't a model citizen, but who is? Fry objected.

"I can name 4,000 convicts on Commander Ryker's Island accused of murder, rape and outstanding parking tickets who are better than Bender B. Rodriguez" The Robot Devil said, pulling out a scroll that rolled across the room. He put on a pair of reading glasses.

"Lets see. Oh here's a good one. Ted Bundy's head, Adolf Hitler's head wow, didn't know he was there! Wow, get this, Rosie O'donell's head." The Robot Devil casually read off the names.

"Ok, my mistake. Bender isn't as bad as that God awful woman!" The Robot Devil snickered.

"Look, I know Bender isn't great. But he's my friend. Isn't there anything I can do to get him out of here?" Fry offered.

"Tell you what, you can take his place for eternity" The Robot Devil sneered.

Fry's stomach felt like iron, worse than the time he drank his body weight in Slurm in just one day, or the time he ate Bender's Thanksgiving dinner.

"Fine, I'll do it." Fry said, hopelessness in his voice.

The Robot Devil and Fry walked to the pit of despair, which was really just an old break room located underneath the theme park, there was still trash from the 20th century within it.

"Fry! Ya gotta get me the hell outta here!" Bender collapsed to his knees and begged." There's nothing to steal and the only channel we get here is FOX and FOX news channel!" Bender began to wail, tears coming out of his robotic eyes.

" Don't worry, Bender. I'm taking your place." Fry said.

"Wow, Fry, you have truly taught me what a good friend is. It almost makes me want to stay here and sacrifice myself so that your insignificant life can go on" Bender said, lighting up yet another cheap cigar.

"Heart warming." The Robot Devil said sarcastically, as he chained Fry to a wall.

All of the sudden, a large thud echoed through the grimey room. The Robot Devil lay on the ground almost completely out, but not quite. Scruffy stood in the doorway with a large lead pipe and the same spaced out image he usually had.

"Oww, you imbecile. Who the hell are you?!!" The Robot Devil groaned, on the verge of blacking out.

"I'm Scruffy the Janitor." Scruffy announced in his familiar fashion.

"Who?" Bender asked.

"Get me down from here! I'll explain on the way back to Planet Express. I've already committed several felonies might as well make it 2 good deeds today." Fry muttered.

"Aww, I'm so proud of you buddy. 2 felonies is great!" Bender congratulated his friend as he tore the chains off the wall.

The trio wandered through the depths of Robot Hell, careful not to attract the attention of any of the Robotic Demons, or booby traps that were hidden throughout. They found their way to the abandoned parking lot where Amy was still waiting.

"Gleesh. Sure took ya long enough!" She complained

"Bite my fleshy human ass!" Fry yelled, causing her to instantly break down into tears.

"Fry, my friend, I have taught ya well. You truly do have a CPU not a human heart." Bender said proudly.

"Cheese it soup can!" Fry slapped Bender upside the head.

"Maybe a bit to well." Bender said to himself glaring at Fry.

The red headed loser, the robo-criminal,the typical rich snobby girl that everyone loves, and Scruffy the Janitor all boarded the ship. Fry took the helm and set a course back to New New York. After a few minutes the ship was safely docked in the Planet Express building, where Leela the Cyclops, Hermes the buercrat, and the Professor waited all 3 with their arms crossed, and a stone like expression on their faces.

"You are lucky I didn't call the police." Hermes yelled. " The only ting that stopped me was da fact that all of the paperwork would have set us back weeks!"

"Calm down. You've always been a tight ass." Scruffy said.

"Scruffy, I haven't seen you in 15 years. I taught you had quit!" Hermes yelled.

"Scruffy was on strike. I broke the picket line." He announced.

"Then get to work! Time is money!" Hermes yelled tossing a broom to him.

"Scruffy's on break." He said, watching the broom sail into a window, cracking it.

"Maybe what I did was wrong. Ok, it was really wrong. I took a hostage, stole a spaceship and took it across state lines, into New Jersey none the less"

Everyone shuddred at the words New Jersey.

"Yes, it was horrible, but I've already paid a price for that. I went to Robot Hell to save my best friend. More than I think you would do for each other." Fry lectured on.

The supervisors faces changed from motionless to emotional, a tear formed in Leela's one eye, the Professor's heart started beating a little faster, 2 beats per minute almost. Hermes could no longer look Fry in the eye.

"So, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I was wrong and you were wrong so it didn't make a right." Fry concluded.

"I wont press charges against Fry. He only took me hostage with a hair dryer." Amy declared.

"Yes, yes. Fry did an honorable thing. But he did steal, threaten and deceive us all." The Professor began to lecture his own opinions.

He stopped and sighed, he didn't really want to do this, at his old age his judgment wasn't where it used to be, his senility had almost taken over 100 at his unbelievable advanced age.

"I don't know if this is the right decision, but I think everyone will be happy about it. Fry, your reinstated here at Planet Express and promoted to first mate right behind Leela in rank." The Professor announced.

Everyone except for Leela cheered. Deep down she was happy for Fry, but as the second in command on the ship, how would things go? They couldn't go smoothly, could they?

Fry was speechless. He had never been promoted anywhere, this was a thousand years in the making. He looked at everyone smiling. The Professor, Hermes, Amy, Bender. He looked at Leela though. She looked kind of doubtful as always with Fry.

A few hours later, the fiasco had been long forgotten and the crew returned from a simple mission to the moon delivering a small package of moon pies to a horrible gelatinous green blob with somewhat of an attitude problem.

Bender clanked down the ramp into the docking bay and began rummaging through a near by tool box pretending not to steal anything. Fry followed him down, hands in the pockets of his familiar red jacket admiring his "crew" a single, poorly programmed Bending bot. Leela was finishing logging something into the ship's log, and making sure all of the reactors were shut down. After a few minutes of procrastinating she departed the vessel.

Fry was still waiting in the bay waiting for her. She slowly walked down the hydraulic ramp towards him.

"Excellent job, first mate Fry. That promotion was well deserved." Leela patted him on the shoulder, and than just gave him an all out hug.

"Thanks" Fry said.

He watched as she walked out of the docking bay and down the hallway. A smile formed on his face. Bender noticed his buddy smiling and walked toward him, his metallic feet clanking on the concrete floor.

"What?" Bender asked curiously.

"Sucker." Fry said, amused. Holding up Leela's wallet that had exactly enough cash to cover their over due rent and end their eviction.

Meanwhile, Dr. Zoidberg sat in his office staring at his computer screen, watching the cursor blink on and off.

"Ugh, writers block! So much for Zoidberg's great American fan fiction!" He snarled, knocking his computer to the floor.

THE END

_Futurama was brought to you in part by_ _the good folks at Solant Cola! For the great taste of human, that is cannibal and mom approved, drink Solant Cola!_


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